


Apocalyptic Attraction

by Anonymous



Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV)
Genre: #dennis is our saviour, Apocalypse, Boy Love, Chaos, Crack, Crack Relationships, Dead Hannah Baker, Gay, Gay Sex, M/M, Prison, Pseudoscience, Underage Relationship(s), crack shipping, dennis is monty's lawyer, monty saves the world, super gay, the strength of their love saves the universe, we're alive only bc of them
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-02
Updated: 2020-10-02
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:40:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26762239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: The world is left reeling from the death of Hannah Baker.The love between two men is the only thing that can fix it.
Relationships: dennis vasquez/montgomery de la cruz
Comments: 2
Kudos: 1
Collections: 13 reasons why, Anonymous





	Apocalyptic Attraction

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mlleflo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mlleflo/gifts), [foreverwonty](https://archiveofourown.org/users/foreverwonty/gifts).



> PSA: gay lawyer refers to our fave lawyer Dennis Vasquez!! xox

Twas rumoured that there was a time, a time called BB (Before Baker) when the world wasn’t in flames. A time when people could walk the streets without being attacked by zombie-esque creatures. A time when earthquakes and typhoons were rare exceptional events called ‘disasters’, not just an everyday occurrence. A time before lethal radiation polluted the air of the entire planet. A time before now, before the chaos that was bequeathed upon the world by Hannah Baker herself. After all, twas the world’s fault that Hannah Baker felt the need to kill herself, the fault of the world and her humongous ass. 

Humanity had erected monuments in her name, sacrificed many-a-virgin, tore lands apart to please Hannah Baker. But she didn't respond, and the world fell into further chaos, humanity suffering under her beautiful fist. Oh, how they regretted doing nothing to her now! The only true culprit, Bryce, had been taken care of by Mother Nature herself (to avenge her most beloved inhabitant Hannah), her terrains opening, releasing hot lava that engulfed him, burning his flesh beyond recognition, before the ground swallowed him whole, dragging him down to the core of the planet. Twas rumoured that his body still broiled within the core of the earth, and at every moment he was trying to scrape his way to freedom and the land of the Baker-foresaken.

Gay lawyer sighed, adjusting his gas mask on his face. His forehead was covered with a thin sheen of homosexual sweat. He was unapologetically gay, hence the fun nickname he’d been given by his fellow lawyer friends. He adjusted his tie in a way that could only be described as exceedingly gay, camply brushing his hands over the wrinkles in his shirt.

He was exclusively used for cases that were either gay (obvs) or bound to lose, as almost every case he took would lose. One time he even had a concrete stack of evidence against the defence, but alas, he was too bad a lawyer to convince the jury. Gay lawyer shook his head with gay regret. 

He’d put on his gas mask to go outside, but like the silly gay he was he’d forgotten that his client was awaiting him in an interrogation room just across the hall! Gay lawyer had been called in for a gay client, as was his role. The name of the gay lad was Montgomery de la Cruz. Gay lawyer wasn’t sure what he’d done, twas his fool-safe way of losing every case he presided over.

He sighed and shook his head. The day had been so long! Gay lawyer just wanted to go home and feed his homosexual pet zombie. He bought him some fresh brains and simply hoped they wouldn’t rot over the course of his next meeting. 

“Montgomery?” Gay lawyer asked gayly. 

Gay lawyer gasped gayly. “O-M-G. M-Montgomery?”

“Yes?” The teenager replied snarkily.

Oh, the snark! The gay! The beauty! Gay lawyer put a hand to his chest and swooned. He’d never seen such a beautiful underage child (scratch that, he had, Lady Baker herself!) mongomery’s hair was brown, skin white - ahhh! The most desirable combination. Gay lawyer fanned himself with his free hand. He’d never seen anyone with such beautiful colouring, someone who pulled off the prison jumpsuit so well! Gay lawyer oftentimes dressed up in a cheeky orange jumpsuit of his own for the local gay club, but even with his ass perfectly cupped by the fabric of his jumpsuit he’d never looked anywhere near as good as the frowning monty! 

“They say you’re the worst of the worst,” said Montgomery sullenly.

Gay lawyer blushed. He was famoose! “If that’s what they say, then I’m as bad as you are beautiful…” Gay lawyer wanted to add ‘baby boy’ to the end, like, sooooo bad, but he knew he wasn’t on that level with his baby boy montgomery YET.

“How likely is the death penalty?” Monty asked seriously. 

“Baby boy,” gay lawyer just COULDNT help himself, “I’m going to try and do the impossible. I’m going to try and win a case. Sure, i probably shouldn't have chosen yours to win, as from what i’ve heard you’re a bad guy, but i will do it. Someone as beautiful and gay as you shouldnt die without getting a taste of me. Gay lawyer.”

For the first time since being sent to this establishment - a whole half an hour ago - Monty’s haunted eyes held a glimmer of hope in them. Was this his gay saviour? 

In another room, Neil degrass Tyson was observing the seismometers as he always does. Could this be true?? Neil degrass couldn't believe his eyes! The measurements seemed to be settling, less tectonic plate action happening. Waaaaaaa??? 

Brian Cox glanced up at the instrument for measuring the world’s entropy. Ever since Hannah Baker died, the S value had skyrocketed to a number too high to be fixed, increasing uniformly by 0.7% each day, however right now the calculations would suggest an increase of just 0.6%. Could it be… decreasing?

“Thank you, gay lawyer,” Monty said solemly, a hint of emotion bleeding into his words. “No one has ever had that much faith in me. All of the gays I know dont like me for some reason, maybe it’s because I get them to blow me and then beat them up?”

Gay lawyer shook his head emotionally, leaning toward monty, “Don’t worry, Monty. I’m not a gay who leaves another gay behind. I’m just not that kinda gay, you know?”

“You’re a good gay,” Monty said with absolute conviscion, “I mean guy.”

Gay lawyer sighed. “They’re both true statements. But alas, I shall meet you in our next meeting…my sweet monty.”

“Farewell, gay lawyer,” monty regretfully watched the gayest man he’d ever see walk out of the door, a gay swoop of his blazer as he walked.

**Author's Note:**

> pls kudos and comment if you've enjoyed :D it will encourage me to write more hehe x


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